My mind is haunted tonight. Or rather, this morning…
It started with meeting a friend that I haven’t seen for a long time. Actually, even before that; I just wanted to go to the gym. I’ve been spending so much time trying to work on my site and wanting to get going with certain projects that I feel exhausted and haven’t really been doing anything else. So much time has been put in it and I haven’t been able to do anything for the whole day. Alas, I’m no programmer or a web designer and I’m struggling as I go. I’m not smart enough to be that.
Nah, I’m just another writer just wanting to prove that I can be the next best writer… yeah, right. I know I won’t be Hemingway, or King, or Clancy, or Tolkien, or Martin, or Rowling, or what have you. Actually, I don’t want to be like them. No disrespect to them but if I were them, I wouldn’t be me. Just remember what Wilde said, “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
The main point is that I’ve dedicated nearly the whole day (as in 07/28/25) trying to get this site looking somewhat nice and clean, if not armature… but I’m somewhat glad that I at least have something running. Especially after the whole photo op I set up today. Because, gosh golly, I know I’m just a handsome model with my beautiful, beautiful, hair and my oh-so everlasting youth.
I know everyone wants to hear so much about my good looks, especially all the beautiful ladies, but I’m going to digress back about this new post now… that I’ve been working on for the past few hours… yes, I even struggled trying to establish a record lists of my posts when I really wanted to write this.
I spent some time with a friend of mine whose a D.J. and is working up in the world, just like me and any other person of a certain craft. I spent time with him because the gym was saturated and just wanted to kill time only to wait for the place to be desaturated of people. We had a good time talking, shooting the shish as good friends do. I was really happy to see him since I’ve been away on a trip that I’m hoping to make an article about soon. Even before that, we haven’t seen each other for a while due to my overwhelming 9-to-5. I’m still praying to God this freelance job will change all that.
Anyways, we were talking, hanging out, and then we got into some interesting conversation of strange, creepy, and morbid details. That’s when he introduced me to a YouTube channel called Atrocity Guide. From what I understand, she makes videos about bizarre and, as my friend would describe it, “fringe” subjects. I learned about Bob Hickman and the whole “God Entered My Body” forums and videos, Karin Katherine Waldegrave and here demented ravings online that may or may not be real, and more. But the one that stuck out to me the most, because I’ve heard of this story, was the bizarre and tragic death of Olivia Mabel.
I will not spoil the strangeness of her story for you, dear reader, as I think that is something you ought to explore and experience for yourself.
So, he introduced me to this strange channel and I was listening to it while I was working out. The subjects were strange and quite creepy that I think I slid my mind into a sort of horror mood. I began listening to some music that I usually associate with some of the horror novels that I’m working on while working out. Yeah, it was a weird experience, but I enjoyed it.
A thought occurred to me while I was exercising, just lifting weights and pumping iron, is that usually horror stories are usually based around a “victim.” And based on how they react to their circumstances, they either fall victim to the horrifying unfortunate events or the “monsters” that lurk within the darkness of the narrative, or they learn to garner the courage and voluntarily act in the face of fear and thus transcending the horror of the narrative.
It’s kind of like in Lord of The Rings: The Fellowship of The Ring when Frodo discovers that he has received The One Ring of Sauron. In my opinion, I think the book does a better job than in Jackson’s film because of the fact that there is no prologue to the War of The Ring and thus there is no context or info of the ring or Sauron. All we know that Frodo has inherited a magic ring, and that’s it. But there’s an element of horror element when Gandalf reveals origins of the ring. It would be like you receiving a ring from a long lost relative that suddenly disappeared only to find out that you’re bearing a relic that belongs to Satan, and he’s coming for you.
But the one bit of dialogue that I found compelling in this moment of terror is when Frodo said he wished he never received the ring. And Gandalf tells him, “So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
In other words, whatever happens, even in the most terrifying of situations, it doesn’t matter what happens to us. What matters is how we decide to react to it. And by voluntarily standing up to face that fear, that is what I find very compelling in characters who are clearly out of their league.
I’ve always found those sorts of horror stories more compelling because they give meaning and purpose to the horror behind it all. They’re not there just for the scares, they’re there because of the characters who are trying to master and surpass them. When well written, we care about our protagonist wanting to survive the horror-ridden labyrinth that they must navigate; not because they want to, but because they need to survive.
One example that I can see this is in the Resident Evil franchise. In the games that are exclusively made for horror, Resident Evil, Resident Evil 2, and maybe even Resident Evil 3, the main characters start off as open season targets for the zombies and other monsters in the games. It’s a riveting game as you’re struggling to stay alive, managing your items in a limited pack space, and praying to God you have enough to survive. With the purposely-selected tank controls, it makes you feel vulnerable like a child and death is around every corner if you’re not careful.
But as you progress through the game and get further into the horror, near the end, your character is practically armed to the teeth, ready to take on any sort of monster that comes in your way. That’s when you transcend the horror as a hardened individual that has gone through trials and tribulations of horror. And I love that! It’s compelling!
Shinji Mikami, the director of Resident Evil, said, “To me, survival horror is a balance between a scary kind of gameplay and the challenge to overcoming that fear. You get a sense of achievement out of that. The fine balance between those two is what makes survival horror.”
That is exactly correct. And I think that same sort of philosophy to narratives. Again, that’s what gives the horror and the story meaning. Or something like that. We care that Clarice Starling stays alive while she hunts Buffalo Bill while she’s subconsciously facing her past traumas, we care about Father Karras as he tries to save Reagan from the demon, we care about Fiona Belli as she descends into the castle to find out more about her family, and we care about little Danny as he tries to survive the damning horrors of the Overlook Hotel.
It’s why I’ve always believed horror CAN be a great and profound genre when operated properly. And the thing is I see way too many movies, modern movies, that do not how to make horror films. They may be shocking, but they’re not scary. Especially, when they rely on cheap scares, gore, and nothing else.
So why is it that I’m bringing this all up? Because after all the chat with my friend, and the exercise at the gym, and the deep thinking of what makes good horror, I come home looking at my laptop seeing what else I can do to work on my site and to keep me awake I have YouTube on. And what’s on my recommended page? Strange, bizarre, creepy videos of ghosts, deep web horror stories, encounters with strangers in the middle of the woods, and urban explorations.
It just happens to be one of those nights where I’m in the spooky mood watching all these creepy videos and my mind can’t stop thinking of the creepy things… my mind is haunted by the thoughts.
Is it kind of strange to say that for some reason, there’s a sense of comfort in that? I’m not sure why, but there’s a strange cozy feeling at night that I usually get when I’m the only one up, alone, in the dark, watching creepy videos at night. I don’t know why it is like that. But I just cannot help but feel some sort of… relief. It’s a strange feeling.
It’s now 05:24 in the morning now, way beyond the witching hour. My mind may be somewhat haunted now… but I think I’m tired enough to go to sleep. I think I’ll end it for now wish everyone a good night, or rather a good morning.
Just whatever you do… don’t look under the bed…
07/29/25
05:26